The secret of Zero's true soul
by GavesnakeX
Summary: GX- CHAPTER 4 IS UP!! Zero is now having a new little problem with DRUGS. PG13 for languaje, violence and drugs
1. Default Chapter

The secret of Zero's true soul

Hey guys! Here I am with this new fic.

A/N: Actually we are three ppl using this account (It's because we don't want to use many of our accounts for this (is more easier to see the reviews of two different fics of two different persons in the same e-mail account)

BTW- I'm the owner GavesnakeX and if you see "GX" in the summary, it means it was wrote by me. Dynamo-chan is another user and if you see D-chan then the fic was wrote by her. And the last user in Midi Nathali any of her fics will have MN that's all, Gomen…

And now the fic!

**The secret of Zero's true soul.**

** **

By: GavesnakeX

** **

**Chapter one: From my dreams **

(From my dreams: Evangelion Vox Soundtrack)

The little 6-year-oldblonde girl gazed at her nanny "Nanna where's mommy?" the girl asked. "Oh miss Josephine, I told you, your mother is in a business trip, I dunno when she'll come back" The nanny replied asshe shoved the girl out of the kitchen. She treadedupstairs to her room and she stood facingher window, staring at the magnificent environs after a few minutes she observed a red sports car getting closer to the residence,Her eyes grew open as she smiled widely. She dashed downstairs to the front door of the residenceto catch up with her dad.

The man –whom was her dad-- opened the door and she hugged him "Daddy, daddy! I missed you! I'm happy you're here again!" The man stared at the girl as he busted off the grip of the girl's arms. "Don't hassle me! Go to your room, or with your nanny, but get out of my sight!" The man whispered coolly. The girl felt a chill running up her spine and ran upstairs to her room, bursting into tears. "will mommy come back soon?" she whimpered softly in her bed.

* * *

Is 3:45 AM, Hunter Head Quarters were quite. Inside of all the apartments the residents were sleeping peacefully. Yet, Zero wasn't quite, ever since the 5th fight he and X had against Sigma, and despite he found who he really was, new nightmares begin to haunt his mind. This time wasn't Dr. Wily or his evil schemes, or the memory of the first fight he had with Sigma, this nightmares were completely different. And they seemed to not going to drown from his mind. And right now he was having one of his nightmares:

"Hey Jo, you look cool!" a 13-year-old girl whispered to a blonde one of the same age, she was in front of a mirror trying on a pair of Levi's jeans and a Denim t-shirt. Her long hair tied back on a ponytail. "Your right Mona, well ready to go to the bash?" She inquired joyfully to her friend Mona. After a minutes the girl run off to the party. The party was going fine, until some guys decided to bring in alcohol and some marihuana to 'have more fun' or that was they said, most of the girls start to leave the party knowing to not to endanger themselves, but the blonde girl and her friend Mona felt so overconfidentand decided to keep on the party a few more minutes. Soon the party turned into a battlefield and some guys begin to lose total control of their actions, this was the moment Mona decided to tell 'Jo' to leave. "Jo, please it's time to go or we'll be in troubles" The blonde girl glanced at her friend and uttered "are you a coward?" "No Jo, but it's better to run away NOW! Or.." She was shut by a big hand over her mouth, and she was hold in a tight grip by a pair of strong arms, the same luck for Jo "Hey let go on me!" Shouted Jo, before being slapped across her face "Shut up, bitch, or I'll rip you to pieces.!" A young man said to her. One of the young mans started to tear off Mona's clothes from her small body "NO, let her go!!" Jo yelled, but didn't have an answer, instead she was slapped again "Shut up, fucking bitch! Now, watch carefully what we are gonna do to your little friend" A young man said to her, forcing her to watch as his friend violated Mona in front of Jo's eyes, tears started to run down Jo's cheeks for God's sake, let her go… please, stop it! She thought down her sobs, once the young man finished his dirty game, Mona was pushed away hardly, Mona was curled and crying desperately. The young men gazed at her and laugh "It's your turn, you fucking bitch!" One of the boys came closer to her, but Jo broke free and instinctivelystarted to run as fast as she could leaving Mona behind. I am sorry Mona but I could not do anything now She realized, tears coming from her eyes.

Then Zero woke up, cold sweat running all over his body, "What was that? This nightmares are so real, but who was that girl I was supposed to be in the dream? I am going nuts or what? Hell, I hate this!" He sat on his bed despite he was asleep, but nothing would make him shut eye in the rest of the night, he was thinking about all the mysteries which surrounded him, he was doing this until the first golden strand of the light of the sun reached his through his window to where he was, he stood up and decided to take a bath.

The alarm of the training room echoed in the hall announcing the first train of the day, it was X's train, though X didn't pay attention to it and he let another hunter take his place for this time "I haven't seen Zero, he's always the first in this hall…" X realized. Concerned, X walked through the long corridors to Zero's apartment. What he found was a disappointing sight, Zero was seated in the edge of his bed, staring blankly to the wall in front of him, X gasped and walked towards Zero, he rested a hand on Zero's shoulder "Hey buddy, aren't you going to the training hall to laugh your ass off of me?" Zero glanced at him and sighed deeply, "No X, I'm not feeling well, I need to be alone, it's better you're not around bothering me for a good time kid, kapesh?" scolded Zero in an angst tone, X was used to be scolded that harshly by Zero, but this time he found no reason for Zero to be angry. X nodded and lowered his head what the fuck is going on? X thought. Then he uttered "Gomen… I didn't want to… well I'll met with you when you feel better, then" X turned o0n his heels and walked out of Zero's room to the training hall. This time x was not concentrated in his training, so he did not good points, he quitthe training "What ever is happening to Zero? He has been very depressed by the last month… I never saw him like that, this is going to eat me from inside, and I feel without the guts to help him, besides, he don't wants to see me anymore…" His stomach churn. He walked his way to a big garden where he sat down a big tree.

X realized how Zero was, X always thought he knew him very well, despite Zerodoesn't even known himself, he was wrong, Zero was a mystery and his dreams as well, he suffered a dramatic change of heart and mind after the 5th five they had with Sigma, as well as X did. "Zero is not the same guy, he's not as aggressive as he used to be, his eyes doesn't glow anymore, his smile is not cockyor happy, now, is empty, yet he still possess his soul, our lives changed all of a sudden, yetI miss the blond haired jerk Zero used to be, his yelling, his cockiness, my endless fight with him… I would do ANYTHING to get the old Zero back!" X thoughts were wrecked by a little girl in pigtails named Chibi "Hello X! Hey wanna play with me?!" Chibi shouted at him. X stared at the little figure and smiled "Gee, hello Chibi! How ya been?" X stood up and gripped the little girl's hand and start on walking with her through the garden in silence "You're worried about Zero, right?" The girl started, X gazing at her puzzled "Huh? How did you know it?" X questioned "Well I just know it, it's pretty obvious, you two used to love to be together at least in the lunch time, but it's been 'bout a month I don't see you two together so often" The girl grinned mischievously at X, whom shook his head and let out a sigh, silence won again, "Relax a little X, you could not do anything to help, Zero has covered himself in an invisible shell, and will not allow anyone to listen to his thought, nightmares or see him crying, it may sound harmful, but he'll not accept you until he found the peace on his mind" Chibi uttered "You shall not say that!!" X responded in an angst tone, he realized what have he done and retracted "Gomen… I didn't want to yell at you…" X said "No worry, it's okay" Responded Chibi, smiling, she started to run X chasing her, playing among the trees, playing… one of the best way to forget pain and sadness.

Zero walked towards the nursery, he go through in it slowly looking for Life-Saver "Life-Saver, where are you ol' man?" Life-saver walked to him from behind "I told you no to call me by that name, anyways what's wrong?" Said the old Life-Saver, Zero lowered his head staring at the floor, he did not respond, there was a long pause, after what Zero sighed deeply "Life-Saver… cha 'know there's something wrong on me… those nightmares are driving me crazy, I can't stand 'em anymore, I've changed a lot… I-I never figured out that someday I was going to say this, but… I need your help. Now that Dr. Cain passed away you're the last one who can help me or at least I hope so…" Life-Saver noticed the look on Zero's eyes a desperate yet blank look, and nodded "Ok, but it's too late to talk today, but come to me tomorrow at 6 o' clock in the morning, Okay?" Zero nodded and walked out of the nursery, after a while he met with Chibi and X in the corridors, he glanced at them without stop giving an small grin to Chibi as he made his way to the cafeteria.

X followed Zero with his sight, he wanted to say something, however for a moment he forgot how to speak, he let out a sigh and guided Chibi to his apartment. "Well Chibi, I guess you'll have to stay here, it's too late"

Zero stared at the starry sky and whimpered "Why are you punishing me this way, huh, old man?" he said softly to the sky as if he were talking to somebody up there "It's just because I don't believe in nothing, but my own strength? Or is because I was created by a human akin to a devil? I don't want this dreams anymore, at least let me sleep in peace if your not gonna take me away from this fucking world!"


	2. What is the dream.

What is the dream

Chapter two: What is the dream.

(What is the dream: Refrain, Evangelion Soundtrack)

Is 5:45 in morning, Zero is already awaken, he dressed quickly and tied back his hair. He walked out of his apartment headed to the nursery to meet with Life-Saver as requested, though, Zero would never expect for an answer, merely a suggestion.

"I'm glad you came in time, Zero, come in and take a seat." Said Life-Saver.

"OK, the situation is this, it's been four months since our last fight with Sigma, and one two moths since my nightmare started. I been not eating nor sleeping very well since then. I'm losingweight and my fighting skills are now shattered, I'm in a critical condition, in a manner of speaking…"

"I see… but do you have any suggestion?" Life-Saver inquired "Hmp, that's why I came to you, I need some one to talk about this, someone who can give me a suggestion…" Zero uttered calmly, yet tired tone "Maybe we can delete those memory banks." A pause "I don't think so, this will not solve the problem, we need to take another measures" Zero argued, "I see, so you think that although we delete them you'll still being worried about their meaning? Am I right?".

Their talk keep on for several minutes, trying for a solution. "Yet, you haven't told me about your nightmares, I need to know how are they like?" Zero sighed and started "My nightmares are sorta like dark anecdotes of the lifeof a little girl, I don't know who she is…however… I AM THE GIRL!! So I see everything from her point of view… mostly pain and sorrow… maybe I'm crazy… the worst… X…"

Life-Saver raised an eyebrow and asked "What's wrong with him?" "Nothing's wrong with him… is with me! Certainly, you have noticed it, I don't want him being closer to me… that's the problem man!" Zero glared at his hands and tightened them into fists.

"I think that's the first problem, you need to talk to people who really knows you, and take care of you, and in fact, ever since Dr. Cain died, X is the only one left, think on it and come back to tell me your conclusion." Zero nodded, his conversation was abruptly cut off by a pair of rookies one of whom where seriously injured. "We will have to talk a little bit later" Life-Saver whispered.

Zero strolled out of the nursery and he got with Chibi in the corridors to the garden, the girl smiled as Zero got closer to her. "Hello, Zero, hwo ya been?… Can I ask you something?" Zero gave her a half-smile "I'm Okay, thanks, what do you want?" Both wandered through the long corridors in silence, until she started. "Zero… why… why you have been so distorted? Your very different…" Zero gazed at her "Little girl, it's something you couldn't understand. Don't worry about me, I'll be Okay" he said in a angst tone Chibi look angrily at him "No bastard, I'm not worried about you, I'm worried about X, you have been acting like a true jerk with him, you don't even gave him a smile!! What does he have done to you?" her pink eyes burning with anger. "all's right with him… but…" He was abruptly interrupted "No! Then why you keep on avoiding him?" They argued until they get to the training hall, where they left to different ways.

Zero moved to the next room, the cafeteria, there he saw X sat on a bench, his expression blank, yet sad. Zero strolled toward X and aside him. 

Not wanting to push his luck, X ignored him for a moment, Zero remain silent "X I… I need to talk to you" He articulated, X turned his head and blinked, but didn't respond, Zero's narrowed-eye, tight-lipped expression, was a signal of his displeasure at X's attitude. "I'm serious X, I need to talk to you…" X glanced at him his polite face a mask ofanger, "Hmp, then why don't you talk to Life-Saver or Chibi?, better, why don't you talk to Nissan?, it's sure they'll understand you! Anyways you told me to stay away from you, ne? then get away from my sight!" The answer pressed hardly onto Zero's taunt nerves and all of a sudden Zero slapped X, some rookies turned their heads at them, waiting for something worse. X's wide open eyes revealed a wounded expression, the stinging pain thick off X's nerves, and a tear came from his right eye and faded just where X had been slapped moments ago. "Last time I came to you for comfort… I'll go with Chibi then, she might be still a kid, but at least she listens to people without quarrelling as you do" X stared at Zero "Pardon me Zero, What's wrong?"

Several moments of silence passed, X studied Zero's expression, a mask of sorrow and displeasure, Zero's eyes focused in his hands, X frowned realizing why Zero was that unpleasant, "Why are you depressed Zero?"

Zero didn't respond, his tongue was locked on his mouth, he stared at some imaginary point, he cleared his throat "I…" Zero lifted his gaze, "Nightmares? Isn't it?"

"Yes X, nightmares… but this ones are totally different, horrible as the, this ones are so vivid, and more horriblethan last ones"

"What are they like?" 

"You don't want to know X, but I have no other choice."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zero told X about his nightmares, X hardly could think evil of someone, but without doubt Zero was bonkers _He's totally nuts or what? Maybe he is suffering a 'Post Maverick State' seizures?_ "Sorry Zero, I dunna what's wrong with you… why don't you try and forget?" Zero opened his eyes widely, "Yes... you're right I may try to forget…" whispered Zero in a husky tone.__


	3. Hostility Restrained

Hostility restrained

Chapter Three: Hostility restrained

The little girl sat in a thin rug staring at the monitor of a computer on the opposite section of the room,, her nanny sat next to the keyboard "Nanna, why are you using the computer?" "Your father told me to check his e-mail inbox, miss Josephine," The maid answered in a rough tone, in a sudden the eyes of the maid grew wide open as she read an e-mail, quickly typing some random keys the printer made a ticking sound and begin to print a letter "What is it? Nanna what's wrong?" The girl inquired, but found no response, the maid seized the letter and ran to the main hall of the house.

_The little blonde girl moved away from the rug and next to the computer. She wasn't able to read anything that was wrote, so she ran to catch her nanny._

_ _

_"Please with Mr. Carter, it's an emergency…" The maid whispered nervous. "Yes, Mr. Carter? I have something to tell you… it's… it's about Mrs. Carter…"_

_The girl chose the worse moment to arrive with the maid "… I'm sorry Mr. Carter, but the mail said that, Mrs. Carter have died… I know it's so hard, but you know I couldn't play a joke with this kind of matters…" _

_Josephine felt as if the weight of the entire world were dropped in her shoulders… her eyes turned red… and she busted to tears_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Maverick attack at point FS398765BLO" Alia warned as the scramble alarm resonated in all the Maverick Hunter HQ "Launch Special Class #00 immediate response teamto the scene" Signas ordered.

"Immediate response team from SC#00 dispatch!!"

I ran to Zero's room, his door locked, I knocked on it, but had no response "Zero! Let me in! Hey you gat a mission!"

Zero opened the door unceremoniously "I'll drop the mission, I will not take another mission anymore!" He said in a hushed tone, he sounded like he didn't rest at all, in fact, I have seen him many times wandering around the Mizunos –gardens- past midnight. My heart lurched to see him so listless "Zero… you can't drop the mission" 

"Yes.. you're right… I'll not drop the mission… I'll drop the Special Unit" Came the cool reply. "I'm considering to pass it to Nissan indefinitely, I don't want to know NOTHINGabout this business anymore!" He sighed profoundly "But why… you cannot drop the unit, we all know that unit is everything for you…" distress clumped in my throat.

"Humm, it's something more than just a simple choice, it's all a whirlpool upon my mind, those nightmares… the sorrow for losing my friends… their deaths… the virus… my past… I can't stand this anymore!I want to DIE! I'll follow Bolt Kraken's example, I'll quit of my duty with the Maverick Hunters"

"But… What am I going to do without you?!" Certainly, that was all I could think of. Figuring out living and overcoming all the death and the sorrow… it would be hard without him scolding me.

"Do the same you have been doing for a long time, cry like a little baby! After all there's Chibi and Mertie to stomach your stupid regrets!!" All of a sudden my hand flied straight to his face, for a moment, Zero was sitting there glaring at me, and the next, he was on his side, his left cheek glowing red. NormallyI didn't swear but I was really irritated "Fuck you Zero! You're not the same you used to be! At least I've learned to stomach the fact that people die in this damn business, you teach me that, bastard, wha… what the hell is wrong with you?" He didn't move, but I noticed an abnormal sign. His eyes were red, I thought it was because of the smack I gave him, but looking a bit intensely I noticed that his pupils were abnormally dilated "Zero… what's on your eyes? Have you been taking something?" He turned his head to me, a mask of rage on his handsome face, he nodded slowly "It's nothing of your business… now… GET OUTTA MY ROOM, FUCKING BASTARD!!!!" He said in an angst tone, I moved toward the door and strolled out of his room _fuck you Zero_ That was the first time I ever swear to Zero, but pure rage was on my veins.

I wandered to the Mizuno, swearing at Zero and his odd moods, suddenly Chibi ran to me "Hey X! What's up? Have you talked to Zero? I saw you in front of his door" She inquired in a husky tone, staring at me with her deep pink eyes, when I looked at her eyes, I feel as if she were questioning me deeply in my soul making questions I would never be able to answer. She has been so estrange ever since she arrived to the Maverick Hunter HQ, her precedence was a mistery, but she had a charming presence and I was fascinated with her, I couldn't lie at her "Yes I talked to him… I thought he was stoic, now I see that he's an apathetic bastard" I replied controlling my anger "He's going to drop his unit, possibly pass it to Nissan, even worse I saw something abnormal on him, I don't know what's wrong… his eyes were red and his pupils were dilated…"

Chibi stared at me perplexed, half irritated. She was really hard to irritate, so if this irritated her, then it must be very serious. "I must talk to him" A voice thudded from far away calling Chibi for her trainings, she saluted me and left headed to her commander.

Zero realized everything he had said and done in his entire life, he felt like a murderer… like an antichrist… as if he were the son of the devil, he swore to himself, desperate, he walked to a desk and reached an envelope were he had a white dust and some other stuff.

He prepared a sticky liquid white substance.

Zero leaned against the cool surface of his door, he locked it. He felt like the weight of a mountain was suddenly dropped on his shoulders. He closed his eyes engulfing himself in a complete darkness letting the white substance he had just injected in his veins lift him from the world in an exuberant ecstasies.


	4. Messiah, Oratorio

Messiah, Oratorio

Chapter four: Messiah, Oratorio.

Many people was assembled around a newly open grave, in the funeral of Mrs. Julia Carter… her mother was brokenhearted by seeing her youngest daughter being death, before her.

Also, Josephine was crying inconsolably in her nanny's lap, the young made was strong, but she could not hide her pain…

However Mr. Carter was rather calmly, he wasn't sad.

He was concealing something…

"Why she had to go?" sheered Josephine to the maid, Josephine's little body spasmed as she cried loudly. "It was her destiny, miss Josephine, you don't have to care about it too much, your mother is in a better place now, she's happy there and I have no doubt she doesn't wants to see you cry…" The maid replied tenderly to the girl.

A year later, Mr. Carter begin to date a young, polite girl, the maid, whom saw him many times with her, was not someone to tell Mr. Carter about his disrespect to his daughter, besides the young maid, neither Josephine wasn't that pleasant about her father's actions, her spirits still dampened by the loss of her mother, the only one whom seemed to really love her.

She was the only one who really loved me, even when nanna took care of me, mom was the one, the one who really loved me, she was so tender… I miss mommy… Now, dad is dating a new girl, I don't like her, she's so haughty, and nanna won't be here any more… what am I supposed to do now…?"

_ _

A month later Mr. Carter got married with that polite girl he met three years ago; when his wife died.

After his weeding, Mr. Carter sent Josephine with an aunt as not to disturb him. However she was invited to the weeding.

Josephine did not, normally swear, but deep in her soul, she wanted to kill her father, or at least not seen him again.

this is the most crappiest day of my whole fucking existence… god damn those bastards!! She said in the lowest tenor she could thrum off.

When her father kissed the girl at the end, a string of foul words, pilled out of Josephine's mouth, loudly.

She wandered to the entrance of the cathedral "Get the hell father!! I don't wanna see ya anymore!!"

Mr. Adrian Carter glared at her daughter, his face a ,mask of rage. "So be it!! Get the hell outta my life fucking bitch!!"

After the earlier events, Josephine went down to her aunt's house attempting to head off the explosion she knew was approaching as soon as she came through the door.

"How did you dare to do that Josephine?? You must learn, you like it or no, don't be so selfish!!"

"I don't care about him aunt, but he's such a bastard…" Josephine did not finish the sentence when she was fiercely slapped across her face, an enormous red welt marking her right cheek and eye. She touched her chin softly, it was an stinging pain, never in her life was slapped before.

Her hands tightened to fists, staring blankly.

Josephine ran to her room and start crying; certainly, there was nothing she could do, without her mother, she really had nothing, a year without her was a real despair, specially after 6 years with no more worries than only her own affairs, being happy by getting an embrace from her mother every time she went back of a business trip, a walk in the park, or a chocolate, from the woman she loved most.

By 12 months, Josephine forgot what happiness was…

Nissan was barking orders to a group of rookies, whom were selected to being part of the very elite of the Hunters, the Special Class #00 unit.

"OK, you mother fuckers…!! If you really want to belong to this unit, you must carry on with this nasty trainings, which are terrible as hell!!" He was abruptly interrupted by Chibi, who was among the rookies "Oh, for God's sake Nissan!! Don't be that proud of this unit, they have the crappiest tasks of the whole Maverick Hunters, you know, ALL the dirty jobs!! Such as killing Reploid masses."

Nissan gazed at her with his large, vulpine, golden eyes "You're right… but it's our duty and there's nothing you can do. Anyways it's the best part of the job." He grinned maliciously at the rookies. After he glared at her, however her pink eyes pierced him, chocking his angst. Moreover, he felt as if she penetrated to his mind, he rolled his eyes at the feeling, and stared at the rookies. "Very well then… now let's begin the trainings!!"

Chibi glanced at the group before they leave and grinned, she wandered to Nissan and stared up at him "I'm sorry Nissan, it's just I have too many things to think of, and your arrogance pushed to earth my taunt nerves…" Nissan sighed softly as he put a hand on Chibi's head caressing delicately her pink and long hair. "I don't think a girl like you may have too many things to think on, don't worry, relax, learn of me, not even I'm agrown up, I don't care about nothing."

Chibi smiled at the tall white Reploid and strolled to the entrance of the training hall, to the long corridors.

She sat beside a nearby wall and arched her body, hugging herself. All of a sudden she felt very sadand start to cry, not knowing for sure what was hurting her, a ticking sensation crawled up her back, she chocked and busted to tears.

Zero was sleeping on the floor of his room, the white substance still running across his veins to his brain, decontrolling some of his functions, not allowing him to dream. For now he could sleep in peace.


End file.
